Ep. 11: Are you Prejudice?
"Lift your hands and worship," "Let us rise for...," "You're too pretty to be in a wheelchair." Often well meaning phrases and good intentioned people say and do ableist things. Microaggressions are experienced by marginalized people on a daily basis. However, we must ask ourselves if intent matters and where is the line between the fight for equality and an attitude of entitlement? These are the issues Mandi shares her thoughts on in this episode.
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Transcript
Mandi: Mandi Frantz here welcoming you to my podcast - Find Your Beautiful: Life Through the Eyes of a Christian Disabled Woman.
Mandi: Microaggressions are difficult to address because they are common place, meaning they often happen on a daily basis. More importantly though, they are usually indirect and subtle. Sometimes, the "aggressor" actually means well, so the aggression is unintentional. It can also be difficult to find a distinct line between microaggression and ableism. Traditionally, ableism was used to describe statements, behaviors, or environmental conditions that favored able-bodied people. In this view, it is a word used to describe discrimination against physically disabled people. However, like many terms surrounding disability, ableism has evolved and been adopted by other groups like people with learning disabilities.
I'll first talk about microaggressions because they are more common. There is one example that hit me right off the bat. New York City is known for it's public transit system. Subways and buses are the main mode of travel for many people, especially people with disabilities who can't afford to buy a ridiculously expensive wheelchair accessible van. I typically prefer to travel by bus because they're more accessible and safer to navigate when I travel alone. Anyway, whenever I get on a bus, the driver will ask me what stop I'm getting off so they can be prepared to assist me. This in itself can be viewed as ableist or microaggressive because this is not asked of every passenger. However, that's not the example I'm thinking of. Usually when I travel with my husband, the driver will look at him and ask him where we're getting off instead of asking me. I've seen this happen with other people too, where they'll get on the bus with a caregiver and the driver asks the caregiver. Not to degrade caregivers in any way, but would you ask a blind person's seeing eye dog where they were going? Of course not! You would ask the blind person. Why then do drivers ask who they presume to be the typically functioning person, instead of me? Microaggression.
Now let's talk about catcalls. I know tons of women have experienced them, many feeling uncomfortable. So try to imagine how it feels to have people, men and women, regularly go out of their way to tell you how beautiful you are. At first, this may seem like a wonderful thing, a true self-esteem booster. Yet, just like those unwanted catcalls, I know there's more beneath those kind words. More often than not, there's pity. People may not even realize it, but they're singling me out because I'm in a wheelchair. They're essentially saying, "You're too pretty to be in a wheelchair." What does this even mean? It's like saying, "You're too pretty to be White/Black/Latina." It's actually more of an insult. This is an example of microaggression.
"We're disabled, we're not werewolves," is a paraphrase of a response written by Jennifer Lee Rossman on Twitter to Daniel Lawson, who appears to have had his Twitter account suspended. Daniel wrote, "Disabled parking should only be valid during business hours 9 to 5 Monday to Friday. I cannot see any reason why people with genuine disabilities would be out beyond these times." Jennifer's response, while humorous, accurately reflected the idea that we are humans. Daniel teetered the line between microaggressive and just plain aggressive, as well as ableist in that he values the convenience to able bodied people of being closer to the intended destination over the need of a person with a disability.
Here is the last microaggression I'll discuss. I'm sharing this one because it may help you see how microaggressions can have a wider impact than just on my personal life. I am part of a global social movement called Link20. We are comprised of people with and without disabilities fighting for equality and social justice for the disabled community. We address issues brought to our attention by members within the group and situations we all agree are a problem. Recently, we reached out to Major League Baseball asking them to change the name of the list they put their injured players on. It was called the disabled list and we wanted them to change it to injured list to more accurately describe the situation. Why was using "disabled list" a microagression and ableist? Well, it inherently implies that disabled people can't play the sport. Players are put on what has been changed to the injured list when they have to miss games because they are hurt. People with disabilities are not typically hurt, though their disability may cause them pain. However, unless a player becomes disabled as a result of their injury, they are not going to stay injured. They will not experience life as a person with a disability. They will not need to adapt to play. People with disabilities play all types of sports, even if they have to find a creative way of doing so.
The idea of ableism is often much larger than microaggression. The fact that many typically functioning people do not even concern themselves with the struggle of people with disabilities, both socially and politically, is a type of ableism. Ableism is this idea that typically functioning people have a superiority over people with disabilities. It basically says people with disabilities are inferior beings. Ableism is when a doctor encourages a mother to have an abortion because her child will have Down Syndrome. Ableism is telling a person with a hereditary disability that they shouldn't have children because they'll pass it on. Ableism is designing classrooms without thinking about accessibility. It's accepting a friend as quirky and "scatter-brained" until you find out they have a learning disability and then treating them as annoying. Ableism is when an organization, whether a church or nonprofit, only views people with disabilities as in need of service, but unable to serve. To bring you a current event, Ableism is when Walmart puts people with disabilities in the role of Greeters, then cuts this position first when making budget cuts. It's when a typically functioning person assumes power over a person with a disability. I hope these examples are starting to open your eyes.
Ok, I started off saying my views on microaggression and ableism may not be popular. I guess I should be more specific about what I mean. My view on how we should respond to microaggressions and ableism are likely unpopular. I do think we need advocacy. I believe social justice is extremely important. Heck, that's essentially the reason for this podcast! However, I also believe intent matters. While we need people to fight against specific instances of microaggression and ableism, this really only addresses the symptoms and puts a band-aid over the problem. What we really need to focus on is the root of the issues. At the root of ableism and microaggression is misperception, and at it's worst, outright discrimination. I do not think the way to fix this is by nitpicking at every individual for every unintentional act.
I view the process of changing hearts and minds about the disabled community in the same way I view discipleship in the faith. It is about building meaningful relationships and helping people have an experience. My husband says all the time that he got new eyes when he started dating me. He realized how inaccessible the world is and discriminatory, whether intentional or not, people are. This is what gives him a true heart for people with disabilities.
However, you know what also happened in this process? I, as the disabled person, developed a true heart for the typically functioning too. I will never fully understand what it's like to live in a world that may often feel like walking on eggshells. I'll never know what it's like to try to be accommodating to someone, to go out of my way to try to uplift someone, only to be told that I'm being microaggressive and ableist. It must be frustrating to always be unsure of what to ask, when to ask it, if you should, etc, etc. The world of disability is complicated and sometimes our attitudes don't make it easier.
We must be united, offering education and leaving each other room to make mistakes, to be the humans we all are. We must be willing to have the tough and uncomfortable conversations, even the ones about the most personal parts of our lives. Let's be willing to learn from each other, with each other. Do not be caught up in labels and concepts that can cause division. Only together can we truly Find Our Beautiful.
Mandi: In case you haven't heard, my podcast now has a website! Go to the description of any episode, or to my Instagram bio at MandiBoxBeauty to check it out. On my website, you can listen to episodes, read full transcripts, and contact me. Be sure you sign up for my Very Important Beauty (V.I.B.) club while you're there. The first email you'll get from me includes the very first letter my husband, Curtis, ever wrote to me!
This podcast is also available on iTunes, Google Podcasts, Spotify, and any other place you like to listen! Visit my website linked in the description to get access to all the platforms.
[Mandi voiceover to 'Compton' music]: Next week I'll wrap up season 1 of this podcast reflecting on all we've covered so far and looking ahead at what's to come in an episode called, "When You Believe." ‘Til next time Beauties!
Mandi: Mandi Frantz here welcoming you to my podcast - Find Your Beautiful: Life Through the Eyes of a Christian Disabled Woman.
[Upbeat Background Music]
Mandi: Communal worship is a powerful thing. I love the experience of singing among a group of other voices and coming together to thank God for his greatness. I love watching how different people praise, some dancing, others being still with their eyes closed. One thing has been common at every church, everyone is always asked to stand.
Since I met my husband, he has always been willing to fight for me. He will stand up to absolutely anyone to defend my honor. Sometimes, he will even fight me to ensure I defend myself. I say this because sometimes he fights quietly. At church when everyone around us stands, he often takes my hand in solidarity as he remains sitting by my side. I have fought him plenty of times on this. "We have to show God respect," I'd say. Sometimes I'd ask him to stand on my behalf. One day it hit me though, God doesn't think those of us who are seated are disrespectful. This is a man made concept, like many other "respectful actions."
A few weeks ago, just as my pastor was about to ask everyone to rise, he looked in my direction. I can't be certain, but I'm pretty sure he looked at me. He then said, "Everyone who can, please stand." It actually meant a lot and got me to thinking about ableism and microaggression. These are interesting topics to discuss and my views are a bit challenging to present. Not everyone will agree and that's ok. Let's get into today's show!
Since I met my husband, he has always been willing to fight for me. He will stand up to absolutely anyone to defend my honor. Sometimes, he will even fight me to ensure I defend myself. I say this because sometimes he fights quietly. At church when everyone around us stands, he often takes my hand in solidarity as he remains sitting by my side. I have fought him plenty of times on this. "We have to show God respect," I'd say. Sometimes I'd ask him to stand on my behalf. One day it hit me though, God doesn't think those of us who are seated are disrespectful. This is a man made concept, like many other "respectful actions."
A few weeks ago, just as my pastor was about to ask everyone to rise, he looked in my direction. I can't be certain, but I'm pretty sure he looked at me. He then said, "Everyone who can, please stand." It actually meant a lot and got me to thinking about ableism and microaggression. These are interesting topics to discuss and my views are a bit challenging to present. Not everyone will agree and that's ok. Let's get into today's show!
[Mandi voices Ad (ads change and will vary)]
[Doorbell Sound Effect]
Mandi: Microaggressions are difficult to address because they are common place, meaning they often happen on a daily basis. More importantly though, they are usually indirect and subtle. Sometimes, the "aggressor" actually means well, so the aggression is unintentional. It can also be difficult to find a distinct line between microaggression and ableism. Traditionally, ableism was used to describe statements, behaviors, or environmental conditions that favored able-bodied people. In this view, it is a word used to describe discrimination against physically disabled people. However, like many terms surrounding disability, ableism has evolved and been adopted by other groups like people with learning disabilities.
I'll first talk about microaggressions because they are more common. There is one example that hit me right off the bat. New York City is known for it's public transit system. Subways and buses are the main mode of travel for many people, especially people with disabilities who can't afford to buy a ridiculously expensive wheelchair accessible van. I typically prefer to travel by bus because they're more accessible and safer to navigate when I travel alone. Anyway, whenever I get on a bus, the driver will ask me what stop I'm getting off so they can be prepared to assist me. This in itself can be viewed as ableist or microaggressive because this is not asked of every passenger. However, that's not the example I'm thinking of. Usually when I travel with my husband, the driver will look at him and ask him where we're getting off instead of asking me. I've seen this happen with other people too, where they'll get on the bus with a caregiver and the driver asks the caregiver. Not to degrade caregivers in any way, but would you ask a blind person's seeing eye dog where they were going? Of course not! You would ask the blind person. Why then do drivers ask who they presume to be the typically functioning person, instead of me? Microaggression.
Now let's talk about catcalls. I know tons of women have experienced them, many feeling uncomfortable. So try to imagine how it feels to have people, men and women, regularly go out of their way to tell you how beautiful you are. At first, this may seem like a wonderful thing, a true self-esteem booster. Yet, just like those unwanted catcalls, I know there's more beneath those kind words. More often than not, there's pity. People may not even realize it, but they're singling me out because I'm in a wheelchair. They're essentially saying, "You're too pretty to be in a wheelchair." What does this even mean? It's like saying, "You're too pretty to be White/Black/Latina." It's actually more of an insult. This is an example of microaggression.
"We're disabled, we're not werewolves," is a paraphrase of a response written by Jennifer Lee Rossman on Twitter to Daniel Lawson, who appears to have had his Twitter account suspended. Daniel wrote, "Disabled parking should only be valid during business hours 9 to 5 Monday to Friday. I cannot see any reason why people with genuine disabilities would be out beyond these times." Jennifer's response, while humorous, accurately reflected the idea that we are humans. Daniel teetered the line between microaggressive and just plain aggressive, as well as ableist in that he values the convenience to able bodied people of being closer to the intended destination over the need of a person with a disability.
Here is the last microaggression I'll discuss. I'm sharing this one because it may help you see how microaggressions can have a wider impact than just on my personal life. I am part of a global social movement called Link20. We are comprised of people with and without disabilities fighting for equality and social justice for the disabled community. We address issues brought to our attention by members within the group and situations we all agree are a problem. Recently, we reached out to Major League Baseball asking them to change the name of the list they put their injured players on. It was called the disabled list and we wanted them to change it to injured list to more accurately describe the situation. Why was using "disabled list" a microagression and ableist? Well, it inherently implies that disabled people can't play the sport. Players are put on what has been changed to the injured list when they have to miss games because they are hurt. People with disabilities are not typically hurt, though their disability may cause them pain. However, unless a player becomes disabled as a result of their injury, they are not going to stay injured. They will not experience life as a person with a disability. They will not need to adapt to play. People with disabilities play all types of sports, even if they have to find a creative way of doing so.
The idea of ableism is often much larger than microaggression. The fact that many typically functioning people do not even concern themselves with the struggle of people with disabilities, both socially and politically, is a type of ableism. Ableism is this idea that typically functioning people have a superiority over people with disabilities. It basically says people with disabilities are inferior beings. Ableism is when a doctor encourages a mother to have an abortion because her child will have Down Syndrome. Ableism is telling a person with a hereditary disability that they shouldn't have children because they'll pass it on. Ableism is designing classrooms without thinking about accessibility. It's accepting a friend as quirky and "scatter-brained" until you find out they have a learning disability and then treating them as annoying. Ableism is when an organization, whether a church or nonprofit, only views people with disabilities as in need of service, but unable to serve. To bring you a current event, Ableism is when Walmart puts people with disabilities in the role of Greeters, then cuts this position first when making budget cuts. It's when a typically functioning person assumes power over a person with a disability. I hope these examples are starting to open your eyes.
Ok, I started off saying my views on microaggression and ableism may not be popular. I guess I should be more specific about what I mean. My view on how we should respond to microaggressions and ableism are likely unpopular. I do think we need advocacy. I believe social justice is extremely important. Heck, that's essentially the reason for this podcast! However, I also believe intent matters. While we need people to fight against specific instances of microaggression and ableism, this really only addresses the symptoms and puts a band-aid over the problem. What we really need to focus on is the root of the issues. At the root of ableism and microaggression is misperception, and at it's worst, outright discrimination. I do not think the way to fix this is by nitpicking at every individual for every unintentional act.
I view the process of changing hearts and minds about the disabled community in the same way I view discipleship in the faith. It is about building meaningful relationships and helping people have an experience. My husband says all the time that he got new eyes when he started dating me. He realized how inaccessible the world is and discriminatory, whether intentional or not, people are. This is what gives him a true heart for people with disabilities.
However, you know what also happened in this process? I, as the disabled person, developed a true heart for the typically functioning too. I will never fully understand what it's like to live in a world that may often feel like walking on eggshells. I'll never know what it's like to try to be accommodating to someone, to go out of my way to try to uplift someone, only to be told that I'm being microaggressive and ableist. It must be frustrating to always be unsure of what to ask, when to ask it, if you should, etc, etc. The world of disability is complicated and sometimes our attitudes don't make it easier.
We must be united, offering education and leaving each other room to make mistakes, to be the humans we all are. We must be willing to have the tough and uncomfortable conversations, even the ones about the most personal parts of our lives. Let's be willing to learn from each other, with each other. Do not be caught up in labels and concepts that can cause division. Only together can we truly Find Our Beautiful.
[Sudden Transition Sound]
Mandi: Now that you know what they are, share your experiences with microaggression and ableism.
Share your thoughts by downloading the Anchor Mobile App, and leaving me a voice message through the app. Your message might even get featured in an episode! If writing is more your thing, you can email me at th3mandibox@gmail.com, or find me on social media at MandiboxBeauty.
Share your thoughts by downloading the Anchor Mobile App, and leaving me a voice message through the app. Your message might even get featured in an episode! If writing is more your thing, you can email me at th3mandibox@gmail.com, or find me on social media at MandiboxBeauty.
[Bling]
Mandi: In case you haven't heard, my podcast now has a website! Go to the description of any episode, or to my Instagram bio at MandiBoxBeauty to check it out. On my website, you can listen to episodes, read full transcripts, and contact me. Be sure you sign up for my Very Important Beauty (V.I.B.) club while you're there. The first email you'll get from me includes the very first letter my husband, Curtis, ever wrote to me!
This podcast is also available on iTunes, Google Podcasts, Spotify, and any other place you like to listen! Visit my website linked in the description to get access to all the platforms.
[Mandi voiceover to 'Compton' music]: Next week I'll wrap up season 1 of this podcast reflecting on all we've covered so far and looking ahead at what's to come in an episode called, "When You Believe." ‘Til next time Beauties!
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