S02, Ep. 1: #whatsupdoc🥕

In this Season 2 launch, Mandi shares the beginning of her journey to motherhood and offers her listeners the chance to get in on an important hashtag campaign that could lead one step closer to disability inclusion.

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Transcript

Mandi: Mandi Frantz here welcoming you to my podcast - Find Your Beautiful: Life Through the Eyes of a Christian Disabled Woman.  

[Upbeat Background Music]

Mandi: I'm baaaack! Ok, so the plan was to launch this second season last week on Mother's Day, but then life happened. A few weeks ago I broke my leg, that's a whole story in itself, then I spent the last week at an Executive Education course through Link20 and The Ruderman Family Foundation at MIT. So yeah, a lot has happened, including a fantastic trip to KEEN Phoenix. I now have even more incredible stories to share so I'm thrilled to be recording again.

Anyways, today I get to share what I wanted to share last week. I even got to share a bit of this real life, and kind of heartbreaking, story with my peers at MIT. It's about parenting as a disabled woman. There are so many things to share, but as with most of my stories, I like to start at the beginning. So journey with me through one of the best, and most difficult times, of my life. Today I'll share my journey to motherhood.

[Mandi voices Ad (ads change and will vary)]

[Doorbell Sound Effect]

Mandi: I knew from a young age. One boy and one girl, no more than four years apart. See? I'm a bit of a planner, even trying to plan the life things that are clearly out of my control. I knew I wanted to be a mom since I was a little girl, before I realized the world would doubt me and challenge my parental rights. 

As you know, if you've been listening to my episodes, I got married at a young age, three weeks before my twenty-first birthday to be exact. We waited five years before trying to get pregnant. In the summer of 2013, Curtis and I renewed our wedding vows on our anniversary and my birthday soon followed. It's safe to say romance was in the air and I knew very quickly that something different was happening in my body. A couple of days after missing my period, we bought a home pregnancy test. I'll never forget the look on his face. Shock, excitement, fear, tears, it was all bundled in Curtis' eyes. My heart raced, but I couldn't believe him, not without looking at the results myself. I told him to bring it over and saw the two lines. I was shaking. Believe it or not, I took seven home tests just to be sure. I bought all the different types, from the plus and minus to the actual word read out ones. They all read positive and my Primary Care Physician soon confirmed it with a blood test. 

Once the reality that I was pregnant set in, the hunt for my OB clinic began. Because of my disability, I knew I was considered high-risk. While I couldn't believe I had been blessed with getting pregnant so quickly, I had done a ton of research about pregnancy with my disability in preparation for this time. Unfortunately, there isn't a lot out there about people with Arthrogryposis having children. As a quick side-note, I plan on sharing more in a future episode about the actual process I went through, what worked, what didn't, and the challenges I faced. However, let me get back to today's story.

I found a well known hospital in New York that had a high-risk clinic and decided this was the place for me. I quickly learned that well-known does not equal the best service. There was a clear distinction between people who were paying privately and had great insurance, and those people like me who have Medicaid. I was placed in a waiting room that was overcrowded and sat across from a person in handcuffs with at least two guards watching them. It wasn't quite what I expected my first prenatal visit to be like, but I refused to let anything steal my joy. I was soon called into the exam room, accompanied by my husband and mother. A doctor and a few students did a physical exam, which was quite uncomfortable and I must add that they did not have an accessible exam table. After the exam, they asked everyone to leave the room except for me. They said a social worker would be in to speak to me. I'll be honest, my gut told me something was off. I looked at my husband and mother and sensed they thought something was wrong too. However, we were among medical professionals, right? People who knew what they were doing? At a top-notch hospital. Yeah, that's what I thought.

A male social worker entered the room. I specifically mention he was male because I think it plays an important role in the high degree of discomfort I felt with what happened next. "You're pregnant, is that correct?" he asked. I gleefully replied, "Yes I am." He looked me in the eyes. "Were you raped?" I'm not sure you can imagine the look on my face. I'm not sure I could even replicate it if I tried. "What? No I wasn't raped. My husband is right outside, the guy you kicked out." "Who will take care of the baby?" he went on. My tears started flowing as I realized what was happening.

We couldn't have been in that room alone for more than a few minutes, but it was a few minutes too long. In those few minutes, this man I never met tainted a moment I had been dreaming about since I was a little girl. I wasn't human to him. I wasn't even a patient. To the healthcare professionals at this hospital, I was a disability. Nothing more. 

My mother has been a social worker for over thirty years and she was soon banging on the door. She came in with my husband close behind and they swept me away without looking back. I never went back there, but the emotional scar was already made. 

I wish this were the end of the painful memories. I wish this was the only taint on my journey to motherhood, but it isn't. I'll be sharing more of this journey over the next few episodes, but I want to point out that this is an illustration of a larger issue. This is an issue that goes beyond the medical community. The real problem is people's perceptions of the disabled community. Even in 2019, with all of our advanced knowledge and technology, the world still sees people with disabilities as being outside of the human experience. Too many people start with the premise that we are different, instead of being the same. If we started with the common ground, and then accepted disability as part of one's identity, like color and religion, we'd be on the right track to true disability inclusion. 

[Bling]

Mandi: During my week at MIT, I was tasked to brainstorm a hashtag campaign with a team of four other brilliant minds. On our team we had a well known doctor who explained that healthcare professionals who attend Med School are not trained, and therefore not truly equipped, to work with people with disabilities. We decided we want to engage everyone in this conversation, including the medical community, so we can make a push to get everyone educated in disability rights and inclusion issues. Our hashtag is #whatsupdoc🥕 and I invite you to take a picture with your healthcare provider, including doctors, nurses, therapists, etc, who are providing inclusive care, or use the hashtag in a post sharing your own lack of access story, whether a physical barrier or an attitude barrier.  You can tag me on Instagram and Facebook at MandiBox Beauty, or drop me a note at my website th3mandibox.wixsite.com/fybpodcast, where you can also listen to episodes, read full transcripts, and shop merch. Be sure you sign up for my Very Important Beauty (V.I.B.) club while you're there, so you can get reminders and other insider scoop. The first email you'll get from me includes the very first letter my husband, Curtis, ever wrote to me! 

This podcast is also available on iTunes, Google Podcasts, Spotify, and any other place you like to listen! Visit my website linked in the description to get access to all the platforms.  

[Mandi voiceover to 'Compton' music]: I'll continue to share my journey to motherhood in next week's episode, "#whatsupdoc🥕 Part 2." ‘Til next time Beauties!