S02, Ep. 5: If Only You Knew
In this episode, Mandi talks about some shared experiences all women can experience after pregnancy and highlights issues she dealt with as a disabled parent.
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Transcript
Mandi: Mandi Frantz here welcoming you to my podcast - Find Your Beautiful: Life Through the Eyes of a Christian Disabled Woman.
Mandi: Mandi Frantz here welcoming you to my podcast - Find Your Beautiful: Life Through the Eyes of a Christian Disabled Woman.
[Upbeat Background Music]
Mandi: Hey Beauties! I'm so excited to be back and recording this episode. I started drafting this episode almost 2 months ago, but so much life started happening. Between my day job, my anniversary, vacations, and my entrepreneurial businesses, the summer pretty much flew past me. So today, I'll pick up my story where I left off, but I'll end this episode with some questions to get your feedback on where I should go from here.
So, if you've been listening, then you know I had a difficult first pregnancy. I remember after giving birth to my Little Bear, people would say, "Oh, don't worry. You'll forget all the hard and painful parts and be happy to have a second." They were only in part right. I did not forget all the hard parts, or the pain of my first pregnancy and birth, but my son did make doing it a second time seem worth it. However, like the Luvs commercial says, "You live, you learn." I was much more prepared the second time around and would not be bullied by doctors this time. However, no 2 kids are the same, nor are the pregnancies or deliveries. Yet, there were similarities in my experiences after both my babies were born. I know that I would not have been fully prepared no matter what kind of warnings I got, but I sure do wish someone had tried to prepare me.
There are a couple of things I'm just going to flat-out say. Post Partum Depression is very real.Losing clumps of hair is terrifying. Breastfeeding is a Beautiful, but challenging thing for many mommas. The weight of your limitations will weigh very heavy on many parents, disabled or not. Join me as I share today's episode about things I wish I knew before becoming a disabled parent.
So, if you've been listening, then you know I had a difficult first pregnancy. I remember after giving birth to my Little Bear, people would say, "Oh, don't worry. You'll forget all the hard and painful parts and be happy to have a second." They were only in part right. I did not forget all the hard parts, or the pain of my first pregnancy and birth, but my son did make doing it a second time seem worth it. However, like the Luvs commercial says, "You live, you learn." I was much more prepared the second time around and would not be bullied by doctors this time. However, no 2 kids are the same, nor are the pregnancies or deliveries. Yet, there were similarities in my experiences after both my babies were born. I know that I would not have been fully prepared no matter what kind of warnings I got, but I sure do wish someone had tried to prepare me.
There are a couple of things I'm just going to flat-out say. Post Partum Depression is very real.Losing clumps of hair is terrifying. Breastfeeding is a Beautiful, but challenging thing for many mommas. The weight of your limitations will weigh very heavy on many parents, disabled or not. Join me as I share today's episode about things I wish I knew before becoming a disabled parent.
[Mandi voices Ad (ads change and will vary)]
[Doorbell Sound Effect]
Mandi: Let's start off talking about Post-Partum Depression. As I said, PPD is a very real thing. Babies trigger a lot of emotions and those drastic hormone changes don't help. As excited as I was about my kids, I cried a lot. I never felt more helpless than when my baby cried at 3am and I had to wake my exhausted husband up to bring him to me. There were several nights when the 3 of us cried together. I experienced pretty bad Depression after my second son was born. His delivery was pretty difficult and longer than my first. He was born at 35 weeks and had severely low sugar. He was transferred almost immediately to NICU, where he started having respiratory issues. His 10 day stay in the hospital caused me to have some of my darkest days of my life.
Post-Partum can last a long time. Honestly, it wasn't until about a year after each baby's birth that I felt like I started to return to myself again. If you're struggling, reach out! Cry next to someone. Find someone you trust and share those scary thoughts. Sometimes when I think back to that dark place, I still feel pangs of guilt. After about 6 days of pumping breast milk every 2 hours, even throughout the night, waking up early and spending hours at the hospital to then come home to my energetic 3 year old, I remember thinking, "I don't want a sick baby. Do I have to go back?" Then I was flooded with an even greater sense of guilt and told myself, "I'm a disgusting human to think that!" This was all part of my PPD brain. While even now, I'm embarrassed to share this, I'm doing it because I need you to know that you're going to get through it and you need to trust someone that you can share those scary thoughts with.
I think it's important to note here that this is a totally non-discriminatory situation. PPD does not just affect people with disabilities. This is one of those things that women from every demographic may grapple with. Yay for shared experiences and for disabled women just being women after all!
Next up, I was absolutely adamant about breastfeeding my kids. I totally thought it was as easy as popping my breast into the baby's mouth and just letting them drink. I can hear all my breastfeeding mom listeners laughing now. Breastfeeding is hard! I'm not just talking about for me as a disabled parent. It's hard for a lot of women. However, add some of my challenges to the mix and yes, it was very difficult.
Let me first address the physical challenges for me. My regular listeners know that I have very limited movement of my arms and nominal use of my hands. I'm not able to cradle hold a baby, or really hold a baby at all without assistance. I'm so grateful for nursing pillows! I received this great Boppy pillow at my baby shower. It's the one that straps around your waist and has a memory foam-like pad inside that you can remove for the laundry. When on, it perfectly angled my little one towards my body. One quick note of caution though, I do wish it had some type of lip or barrier because as babies start to wriggle, it becomes difficult for a parent with my limitations to independently keep them on the pillow. However, with a little support from loved ones, this pillow was perfect for nursing.
Now when I say perfect, I mean when you're at home and can be naked without concern for others. Nursing in public, especially when you need help, can be a very traumatic experience. My husband would put the pillow on me as all eyes stared, then throw the cover on, pull up my shirt, unhook my nursing bra to expose my breast, all while trying to keep me covered. He'd then have to slide my baby under the cover and blindly try to get him to latch since he was trying not to expose me. Honestly, this would have all been so much easier if people weren't so weird about breasts. And yes, Christians are often the most frustrating. They somehow managed to be convinced by the world that showing breasts during breastfeeding is immodest and can be a stumbling block. Feeding your baby has nothing to do with sex friends. Ok, I digress.
My point is, breastfeeding was doubly difficult and I shed many tears during the process. As my baby got older and could maneuver himself a bit more, it did become easier, but I struggled. On a triumphant note, I did breastfeed my son for the entire first year of his life. I breastfed my second baby, my HunnyBee, for 11 months, until he couldn't help biting me. Yup, that was it for that one.
I'd like to briefly discuss some things that are less of a universal woman experience, but more of a me being disabled one. I previously mentioned that I spent the 3 weeks leading up to my first son's birth in the hospital. This was because I was experiencing pain in my pelvis due to the weight and pressure of my ever-growing belly. After delivery, I began experiencing pain in my right hip, mostly when I moved it. I should note here that my hips are naturally abducted. This pain made it impossible for me to lay down flat on my back anymore. After my second baby, I experienced the same pain in my left hip, leaving both hips in an uncomfortable state when laying down. After some x-rays, the doctor explained to me that my pelvic bones did not return to my pre-pregnancy state. Instead, they remained in a somewhat open position, which is likely why my hips are all out of whack. I was told to do physical therapy to see if the muscles would naturally tighten and help relieve my pain. Unfortunately, PT did not work. The next recommendation was surgery, to insert a metal plate between my pelvic bones to pull them together. I have yet to do this and while the degree of pain in my hips has subsided, I remain unable to rest flat on my back without my legs being elevated, nor can I lay down flat on my belly, a position I used to be very fond of. This pain has also caused me to lose quite a bit of independent mobility as well, like turning myself over. As a person who was already physically limited, any more loss of independence is emotionally trying. Keep me in your prayers and good thoughts, as I continue to deal with this.
To wrap this up, I have not forgotten the pains and trials I experienced during and after both my pregnancies. To this day, I'm still experiencing some negative impacts. However, I would do it all over again because my 2 boys complete me. If only they knew the depth of my love!
Post-Partum can last a long time. Honestly, it wasn't until about a year after each baby's birth that I felt like I started to return to myself again. If you're struggling, reach out! Cry next to someone. Find someone you trust and share those scary thoughts. Sometimes when I think back to that dark place, I still feel pangs of guilt. After about 6 days of pumping breast milk every 2 hours, even throughout the night, waking up early and spending hours at the hospital to then come home to my energetic 3 year old, I remember thinking, "I don't want a sick baby. Do I have to go back?" Then I was flooded with an even greater sense of guilt and told myself, "I'm a disgusting human to think that!" This was all part of my PPD brain. While even now, I'm embarrassed to share this, I'm doing it because I need you to know that you're going to get through it and you need to trust someone that you can share those scary thoughts with.
I think it's important to note here that this is a totally non-discriminatory situation. PPD does not just affect people with disabilities. This is one of those things that women from every demographic may grapple with. Yay for shared experiences and for disabled women just being women after all!
Next up, I was absolutely adamant about breastfeeding my kids. I totally thought it was as easy as popping my breast into the baby's mouth and just letting them drink. I can hear all my breastfeeding mom listeners laughing now. Breastfeeding is hard! I'm not just talking about for me as a disabled parent. It's hard for a lot of women. However, add some of my challenges to the mix and yes, it was very difficult.
Let me first address the physical challenges for me. My regular listeners know that I have very limited movement of my arms and nominal use of my hands. I'm not able to cradle hold a baby, or really hold a baby at all without assistance. I'm so grateful for nursing pillows! I received this great Boppy pillow at my baby shower. It's the one that straps around your waist and has a memory foam-like pad inside that you can remove for the laundry. When on, it perfectly angled my little one towards my body. One quick note of caution though, I do wish it had some type of lip or barrier because as babies start to wriggle, it becomes difficult for a parent with my limitations to independently keep them on the pillow. However, with a little support from loved ones, this pillow was perfect for nursing.
Now when I say perfect, I mean when you're at home and can be naked without concern for others. Nursing in public, especially when you need help, can be a very traumatic experience. My husband would put the pillow on me as all eyes stared, then throw the cover on, pull up my shirt, unhook my nursing bra to expose my breast, all while trying to keep me covered. He'd then have to slide my baby under the cover and blindly try to get him to latch since he was trying not to expose me. Honestly, this would have all been so much easier if people weren't so weird about breasts. And yes, Christians are often the most frustrating. They somehow managed to be convinced by the world that showing breasts during breastfeeding is immodest and can be a stumbling block. Feeding your baby has nothing to do with sex friends. Ok, I digress.
My point is, breastfeeding was doubly difficult and I shed many tears during the process. As my baby got older and could maneuver himself a bit more, it did become easier, but I struggled. On a triumphant note, I did breastfeed my son for the entire first year of his life. I breastfed my second baby, my HunnyBee, for 11 months, until he couldn't help biting me. Yup, that was it for that one.
I'd like to briefly discuss some things that are less of a universal woman experience, but more of a me being disabled one. I previously mentioned that I spent the 3 weeks leading up to my first son's birth in the hospital. This was because I was experiencing pain in my pelvis due to the weight and pressure of my ever-growing belly. After delivery, I began experiencing pain in my right hip, mostly when I moved it. I should note here that my hips are naturally abducted. This pain made it impossible for me to lay down flat on my back anymore. After my second baby, I experienced the same pain in my left hip, leaving both hips in an uncomfortable state when laying down. After some x-rays, the doctor explained to me that my pelvic bones did not return to my pre-pregnancy state. Instead, they remained in a somewhat open position, which is likely why my hips are all out of whack. I was told to do physical therapy to see if the muscles would naturally tighten and help relieve my pain. Unfortunately, PT did not work. The next recommendation was surgery, to insert a metal plate between my pelvic bones to pull them together. I have yet to do this and while the degree of pain in my hips has subsided, I remain unable to rest flat on my back without my legs being elevated, nor can I lay down flat on my belly, a position I used to be very fond of. This pain has also caused me to lose quite a bit of independent mobility as well, like turning myself over. As a person who was already physically limited, any more loss of independence is emotionally trying. Keep me in your prayers and good thoughts, as I continue to deal with this.
To wrap this up, I have not forgotten the pains and trials I experienced during and after both my pregnancies. To this day, I'm still experiencing some negative impacts. However, I would do it all over again because my 2 boys complete me. If only they knew the depth of my love!
[Bling]
Mandi: I'm really in need of feedback before I continue recording new episodes. Has my story been helpful? Should I continue my current format or switch things up? Maybe invite some speakers to join me?
Download the Anchor mobile app, subscribe to this podcast on it, and leave me a voice message with your thoughts!
This podcast is also available on iTunes, Google Podcasts, Spotify, and any other place you like to listen! Visit my website linked in the description to get access to all the platforms.
[Mandi voiceover to 'Compton' music]: Assuming I keep my current format, I'll be switching gears from parenting to career in an episode called, "Miss Independent." ‘Til next time Beauties!
Download the Anchor mobile app, subscribe to this podcast on it, and leave me a voice message with your thoughts!
This podcast is also available on iTunes, Google Podcasts, Spotify, and any other place you like to listen! Visit my website linked in the description to get access to all the platforms.
[Mandi voiceover to 'Compton' music]: Assuming I keep my current format, I'll be switching gears from parenting to career in an episode called, "Miss Independent." ‘Til next time Beauties!
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