S03, Ep. 08: Let Freedom Reign

When you're trapped by your body and your spirit, how do you Find Your Beautiful? Mandi shares her thoughts on what freedom looks like for her. 

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Transcript

Mandi: Mandi Frantz here welcoming you to my podcast - Find Your Beautiful: Life Through the Eyes of a Christian Disabled Woman.  

[Upbeat Background Music]

Mandi: This past week was a big one! I don't know about you, but I shook off my usual "Monday Blues" to honor the work of the great Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Thinking back to last summer when the Black Lives Matter protests were all over the news made this day especially poignant for me. Sadly, too many people are free on paper, but not experiencing freedom in the world.

On Wednesday, we inaugurated a new President and Vice President! I'll admit, I cried tears of joy. My excitement isn't because we have an administration I think will be perfect. In fact, there are many things I disagree with Democrats about. My joy came because for the first time in a while (at least 4 years), I saw so much diversity and desire for unity. This isn't a political episode and I know people will have different perceptions of that day, but I'm just sharing how I experienced it. I sighed with relief and in that, felt a sense of freedom.

This is what I want to talk about. This is the word the Lord set in my heart before this year started. The word is freedom, but this concept, this process, started for me before this new year. It wasn't until I labeled my journey "Find Your Beautiful" that I realized this was really synonymous with finding freedom. I've experienced feeling unfree, bound, stuck, trapped. And to be honest, I have felt bound by 2 things that I am still learning I have the most freedom in - My disability and my faith. 

My hope is that today's episode will encourage you to start your journey or continue on the hard path of finding your Beautiful!

    

[Mandi voices Ad (ads change and will vary)]

[Doorbell Sound Effect]

Mandi: Something I think people who have been, or continue to be oppressed understand is that words on paper don't mean much. As a disabled woman, I know that just because the Americans with Disabilities Act says it is my right to have access to public facilities, doesn't mean it will be accessible to me. You see, the problem many people experience in allowing others to be free is that they feel their own freedoms become inhibited. And while we are quick to want to control the freedom of others, we will literally die fighting for ours. 

Here is a real life example, and let me preface this by saying that this example is so small in comparison to other freedoms people try to take from people. Well, 2017 was quite a year for me. I gave birth to my second child in March. It was a difficult birth and he spent 10 days in NICU. Now my mommas out there who have had to navigate NICU for much longer, bear with me, because those 10 days for me were very dark.  I'm pretty sure I've mentioned in previous episodes that I struggled with PPD after both my babies were born and when they say it can last for a while, even as long as a year, it is true. So that summer, again the summer of 2017, I was doing what I could to get out of my head and return to my normal self. That was the year I faced my first act of macroaggression. I experienced microaggressions most of my life, long before there was a name for it. However, I hadn't experienced someone stepping on my rights so directly in my face before that summer. I wanted to go swimming at my local gym. I had actually used this gym in the past and had really great experiences then. However, there were different staff onsite. Anyways, I went to the gym and got ready for the pool, where a group of students were swimming. The person overseeing the pool essentially said I could not get into it using the chair that would lower me in because the students were using that side. He said if I wanted to walk down the steps on the other side, I could do that. I asked if the students could momentarily go to the other side, just until I got in, further explaining that I can't walk, and the guy said no. To make a long story short, I left the gym crying, granted I was extra emotional because of my PPD, but still, I was rightly upset. I felt like I had just been told that the freedoms and rights granted to non-disabled people are greater than mine. Sadly, many people still experience this: freedom in theory, but not in practice.

My disability has made me feel stuck. Matthew 26:41 comes to mind, "Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak." While Jesus was talking about temptation, I have felt the literal pain of my spirit being willing to do something, but my flesh being weak. This sense of being trapped in your body is very hard to explain to non-disabled people. A lot of times, they do not understand why it's hard to depend on others, especially very compassionate and willing others, to help. Living with my disability and embracing it as part of my identity doesn't make everything easy. I fear I may have given people the wrong idea about the Find Your Beautiful journey. It isn't easy. It's not meant to be. My disability isn't something I will overcome. It is simply a part of me and I live with the good and the bad. But, this is exactly what my Beautiful, what my freedom, means. This is my disability. This means that no one gets to determine what it will hinder me from achieving. No one gets to tell me how to feel about it, how to use it, how to live it. That's what disability as part of my identity means to me. 

And this message isn't just for disabled people. See, I believe that everyone's identity is created by God. I want to emphasize everyone! This includes people of different beliefs, races, orientations and any difference we can pick out. God has a purpose for all of us and it's not going to fit into this neat little box many believers think it will. 

Besides disability, there was a time, and sometimes there are still times, that my faith left me feeling chained. This is the complete opposite of what I was taught I was supposed to feel. Every Christian will say there is freedom in knowing and loving Jesus. This is true. The problem is that there are too many of those Christians who try to tell you who you are, but they are not God. They do not give you your identity and while we are told to hold each other accountable, we are also told that only God can judge. I have sadly found that many people who identify as Christian are often the first to oppress people, to take away people's God-given freedom. God, Himself, gave humanity free will, and I have experienced people confusing judgment with accountability. We are messengers, meant to tell people about and show people God's love. If you are afraid to be yourself with me, than I am not being a good vessel of Christ. True freedom in my faith comes when I stop living in fear. I have to be honest with who I am. The mixed messages I received in church like, "You are a daughter of the King, but you deserve eternal hell and only if you say that Jesus is your Lord and Savior and follow all these rules, will you gain eternal life," did not give me freedom. There is no fear in the true freedom of Jesus. I'm not a Christian because I'm scared of Hell. I'm not a Christian because I follow a set of rules. I am a Christian because I have experienced God's love. I asked him to fill me with his Holy Spirit and I believe he did. Jesus is part of my identity, with my imperfections, with my disability, not in spite of. When I truly ponder the unconditional love I experience with Jesus, I become free to be myself, to love myself. We have to stop minimizing God and trying to boil Him down to do's and don'ts.

Yes, I hold people accountable and when asked my beliefs on things, I share my stance. And yes, I have friends who are atheists, believers in other religions, part of the LGBTQ+ community, are disabled and non-disabled. God made each of them and all I need to do is love them and love myself enough to be loved by others in return.

So I hope that in these times of rapid change and polarizing views, you can learn to love and embrace all of you. I hope that you don't feel the need to trample on the freedom of others out of fear. Mostly, I hope you are travelling along the challenging path of finding your Beautiful. May freedom reign in your life.

[Bling]

Mandi: Thanks so much for tuning in! Have you ever felt bound by something? I'd love to hear about your journey, so download the Anchor mobile app and leave me a voice message.

Thank you to everyone who has ordered from the FYB Shop! I have something I'm so excited to share about the Shop. I'll be letting my VIB (Very Important Beauties) know this Friday. Sign up on my website so you can get the big news first.  Don't forget, a portion of all proceeds from the shop is being donated to KEEN New York, a non-profit organization empowering youth with disabilities by providing free programs of exercise, fitness, and fun led by volunteer coaches. You can learn more about KEEN by visiting keennewyork.org (New York spelled out, not abbreviated).

If you enjoyed this episode, leave a review wherever you listen or on my Facebook page at MandiBox Beauty. You can also connect with me on Instagram with the same handle. 

[Mandi voiceover to 'Compton' music]: We're midway into our first full year of homeschooling and there are some tips I want to share. Join me next week for my tips and a very special guest! ‘Til next time Beauties!